Subject: For the first time...
....I watched the Crocodile Hunter on Animal Planet last night.

This Australian character certainly does seem to lead an interesting life. I submit to you samples of his dialogue:

"Now this is the eastern diamondback rattler, biggest of all rattlesnakes... woooo! He's gorgeous! Oh! Oh! So beautiful. Look at that specimen. Look at those venom glands. He's mean! A huge mean male diamondback rattler!! You can tell he's feeling cranky today!!

"Now, I'm just going to take out my penis... there we are... and slap him across the fangs with it a few times!! Okay, mate, everything's okay... I'm just waving hello with my John Thomas.

"See! He rattles! That's his warning... that he doesn't like penises banged against his face. Wooo! Cranky! Not into oral! That's okay, this species isn't, usually.

"Alright, now here we have a pygmy rattler found stranded in the middle of the road. Very aggressive and mean!! Very deadly! Okay, now, I'm just going to pick him up and lower him into my mouth and then swirl him around for awhile like a Napa wine!!

"Then I'm going to spit him out into a bathtub full of steaming water. The pygmy, like all reptiles, adopts the surrounding temperature, so hot water will probably frighten and enrage him!!

"Now I'm just going take off all my clothes and lower myself into the bathtub with the enraged venomous snake and use him as a washrag! Scrubbing my ass with a pygmy rattler! Good stuff!!

"Now you definitely don't want to do this, even if you're a trained herpetologist like me, because if you did you might get your own show, and my ratings would drop."

Fin

Note from the web site owner: I was forwarded this little gem in email, and the author's name was not on it. I don't know who to credit (or blame) for this piece, but if you do, please let me know. Thanks.

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